my why

i’ve been thinking about what and how important my why is. i think that for me, when my why has integrity.. when my why is in line with my values and my approach to life.. everything flows.

here it is. my why is that this is purely a way to face what was once so difficult for me. i’ve spent a lot of my life placing so much surface level, materialistic and empty importance.. on my body, on food. on the perceptions of others. feeling not just utterly disempowered, but almost at the mercy of these external things. but more then that.. i’ve spent a lot of my life living and acting from a place so much fear and subsequently manifested self hate. and all it did was drive me the furthest from myself. to depression. to severe anorexia. to binge eating. to bulimia.

i love that saying “you can’t hate yourself into someone you love, you can only love yourself into evolution”… because that’s just how i see it. when i lose sight of my why, when i become heavily fixated on the material and external view of my body purely out of ego, this lifestyle looses meaning for me. it loses its truth. its integrity.

when people ask me “how i got into this” i guess this is my answer.. amongst other things, this lifestyle is a way for me to face myself in love. to heal a part of myself that was once so overpowered in fear and hate.

… and in reconnecting with my why. my self love.. my self disciplines (to which are just physical expressions of self love) everything flows. when my why has integrity.. when it truly and honestly reflects my innermost beliefs sans ego, and my actions simply follow my why.. there is then no more internal resistance… everything flows. when i remember that my why is something internal, something spiritual, something both in me and bigger then me… a healing practice… there’s no external task or ‘challenge’ that seems to great. my why is love. its healing my deepest wound, evolving and becoming in pure self love.