multifaceted by nature
Today I took the time to pick out a cute outfit and went Christmas gift shopping. During my walk I reflected on how long it’s been since I’ve done that… just enjoyed that favorite little activity of mine: putting together an outfit and going shopping. It got me thinking about the how I really do exist at the intersection of my interests… I was thinking about this not just in the difference in places I frequent like school, the gym, my vintage store job, the usual coffee shop I study at– but the clothes I wear, the friends I have, the music I listen to, the books I read.
It made me realize: I am not fully reflected in one single place, outfit, or image of myself.
I think about how I grew up, and especially in high school where there was such a specific, narrow-minded, and strict status quo… one idea about how you were supposed to dress, who you were supposed to be friends with, how you were supposed to talk. I never felt like that singular, defining perception reflected the totality of who I was as a person, and because of this I always felt like an outlier. It made me think about how there is a defining status quo in every social environment I participate in. What clothes are you wearing? How do you speak? Who are you friends with? What does your Instagram look like? Do you have an Instagram? I feel like all these questions are asking.. Are you like us or are you other?
To be specific, I was thinking about the status quo and social expectation that exists in gym culture and in the world of bodybuilding, especially with the way it exists on social media. Honestly, I had this much longer essay typed out connecting my thoughts about status quo to people’s very limiting perception of identity, but I think it’s better said if I just plainly state how I feel.
It’s so boring to me how status quo asks you to submit to one thing and make it your identity.
I’m not condemning people who find their full passion and reason in one singular thing, I think that’s wonderful for you… I guess for myself just like how in high school I didn’t feel like the status quo reflected the full complexity of my identity, neither does the social expectation and status quo in the gym.
It’s so interesting to me how people try to box you into something. Is it to make you more digestible? Is it because accepting that someone else is multifaceted means you would then have to face your own multifaceted nature, and maybe you’re too scared to do that? I’m not sure. Why do we have to submit to being one thing? Have one passion, one interest, and one image of self.
Because I am, and we are.. many things at once. I have a love for learning, reading, travel, cooking, creativity in art, writing, and fashion… but as equally as I love the gym, as equally as I am competitive. We can be everything at one time. We are everything at one time.
It’s so incredibly suffocating to be boxed into a single personality archetype. Because I don’t think I am singularly any of the things I enjoy, or clothes I wear, or friends I have.. but at the same time, I feel like I’m able to see a different part of myself in each of those places, and that honoring all parts of myself is equally reflected in the diversity of my hobbies, friends, and self expression.
And to bring it back to why I started thinking about this today, in all honesty I don’t jive much with the general stereotypical social media presence of gym culture/bodybuilding. Just not my cup of tea … and I don’t want to be caged in that persona just because I have decided to take this up as a hobby! But in the same sense!!!… sometimes I really reallyyy love being that person, sometimes it’s so incredibly fun to step into that role of competitive, bodybuilder Kaitlyn… but it’s not the total definition of who I am, its not the end all be all of my interest, passion, or personality… it’s just one of the many, many hats I wear.
Side-notes: What I do love, and what I am here for is the subtlety, the calm, the little lessons you learn, the silent growth you make with yourself. The quiet and personal part. 🙂 (I kind of see it as two separate entities: there is the ultra-masculine, social media, stereotypical, gym culture image, and then there is this other side: a pleasant little rhythm of mindful living that you do.) So I just do my best to keep to myself and my peace… do my own thing, separate from the noise and exist enjoyably and peacefully with the little growth I make for myself by myself.
Who we are is so complex. Humans are, I am.. multifaceted by nature. I have never fit into one thing and I never will (and personally I might consider it a failure to my evolution and becoming if I did). Because if you choose to abandon parts of yourself to fit into some social status quo… I think that really just ends up being your self-imposed limit. If you only see yourself as this singular thing, you are limiting yourself to only being that one thing. (but if you are happy, then I’m happy for you).
So I think this comes back to… for me personally, I choose to believe I exist everywhere, I am all the things I am curious and passionate about at once. I don’t want my evolution, my potential as a human being, to becoming my fullest and most authentic self… to be caged by social expectation or mindless acceptance of the status quo in any environment. It’s uncomfortable to be yourself or follow your instincts when the environments you are in are kind of asking you to forsake those quirks to assimilate, but it’s liberating. And I think for me personally it’s the only way I am able to truly enjoy my growth through new environments and experiences… because I’m being myself! 🙂 And the evolution just makes me even more myself! Its a beautiful thing 🙂
Obviously these are only my thoughts, questions and perspectives based on my lived experiences so they are valid to me 🙂 just like to you, the person reading this, is equally valid in your reaction (be it agree, disagree, somewhere in-between)… because your unique experiences and environments have shaped you and your perception! My hope is that at the very least this stimulates questioning.