i have everything I want :)

How do you know what is meant for you? I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I either want my life to look like or what (through a more spiritual and manifestation-esc lens) I think is “meant” for me. I like to think I am a very mindful, introspective and proactive person. I like to be aware of what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I find peace in having actions I take be mindful and for a reason (even if subtly) …whether it’s cleaning my space, making my bed, my skin-care routine, whatever it is. But recently I have noticed myself having a lot of thoughts questioning where I’m going in life’s bigger picture. I know I’m still young and no one would fault me for not having it all figured out, but the societally imposed sense of urgency seeps in from time to time– it kind of sharply demands of me “Get it together! ASAP! You’re losing time! Hurry! You’re losing ground!”

I do my best to stay grounded and grateful in the present moment and to simply live in a way that fulfills me, but it can be difficult to balance that mindfulness with at least a healthy dose of realistic planning for the future.

*This is only my attempt to understand my own thoughts, so to me there are no right or wrong answers!*

I think what’s so wholesome is that I could be thinking about this from the perspective of uncertainty, of doubt and fear, but I’m choosing to turn it on its head and embrace the beauty in the unknown. I honestly don’t know where I’m going or how I’m getting there. All I really know are the things that make me happy here and now. The things that keep me curious, that excite me, that challenge me, that I keep returning to even when I take a break or divert my attention to something else.

I know I’m not the first person to say or think this, I and definitely won’t be the last to grapple with a sense of uncertainty for the unknown. I think all I can really do is just continue to follow my nose: to stay grateful, present, and trusting in the places, people, and things I find love and reason in.. and to let my divine intention guide my way as I continue to just do the things I want to do that make me fulfilled and happy.

On the note of a sense of urgency or scarcity that society perpetuates: I feel like I’m just constantly being told that there are a bunch of things I’m supposed to want. Be it fame/status, money, a good job, a boyfriend/significant other, I’m constantly being bombarded with noise that doesn’t reflect my truth. But when I think about the things in life that actually make me happy and fill me with love right now… that list is so concise it could fit on this page:

I like my peaceful little routine, I like my lifts, I like learning in the gym, I like learning in general, I like reading, I like collaging, I like writing, I like clothes, I like keeping my house and space cozy and clean, I like spending most of my day alone, I like living my days with a sense of ease, gratitude and grace, I like forming connections and learning from people who know more then me, I like stimulating conversation, I like philosophy, I like finding friendships with pure-hearted and equally curious and tenacious individuals, I really just like my quiet life.

I literally don’t know what else I could want, and I don’t know if I want to want anything else.

It sounds so cheesy all written down, but all I really want is to continue to live mindfully and to literally just follow my nose from flower to flower about the things that I’m curious about. And for now that’s writing in my journal and blog, reading more philosophy, and learning more about my mind, body, and spirit through the journey of fitness.

I saw some quote that said “the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time” and I think this pairs nicely with another quote I saw along the lines of “if you can’t stop thinking about it, take it as a sign from your subconscious.” All this to say that part of the reason I have been questioning the bigger picture so much is due to this societally imposed scarcity mindset that says “you’re running out of time, resources, life, etc.”

Now after unraveling all of this, well… actually I choose to say I do have the time. Actually my life is going to be fulfilling, long, and beautiful… and I’m going to experience every bit of it. Life is a gift, and one that was meant to be lived. I think what a waste it would be to sprint right to the end. So I’ll take my time walking around, take the scenic route, take all the side roads and smell all the flowers. Each day I just want to live mindfully, gratefully, and curiously. I wholeheartedly believe that who I am and where I am here and now is exactly where I’m meant to be, and I know my divine intention will continue to guide me to all the places and experiences I seek to have! I think there is such a beauty in following intuition, following natural flow… and relaxing and allowing yourself to simply experience. And I really believe that is just what I what sent here to do, just experience. Experience being a human, experience all that this body and life have to graciously offer. So I want to allow myself to let go of the familiarity of staying the same, and just flow… surrender to being changed and molded through experience.

To sum it all up for myself… here is my affirmation

I know society is telling you to speed up, or that you’re running out of time.. but you aren’t. Actually, you are right on time. You are right on time. Everything you seek to experience in this life… I promise you, you will experience. Be here now, experience here now, relax and know you are right on time 🙂