a reminder for myself to practice patience.

Sometimes I really just feel like I’m living halfway between everything. my adolescence and adulthood. but also my world. the new realm of possibility, opportunity.. and so so much more abundance then I ever could have imagined that I’ve been blessed with since this journey of bodybuilding began.

I try to learn quickly.. and that is a skill I am proud to say I have. Mostly because I had a lot of experiences at an early age that forced me to learn competence .. and learn it well. And that competence is freedom. I do think a lot of my independence and learned competence stems from coping mechanisms I adopted as a child.. and that these are of course works in progress to observe (at least if they have a detrimental impact on my young adult life). But anyways.. yea.. I learned young that competence is empowering because it is freedom.

But this tendency to chase competence has also made me realize that there are some things in life that can’t be forcibly learned. That there are some types of competence.. of maturity and learned skills.. that aren’t mastered by speeding or forcing. And that one of those things is the wisdom, experience, and character building that comes with the natural passage of time. I am realizing that the evolution that comes from a multitude of experiences layered on top of each other over years and years is something I cannot will myself into. And so thats why I often have to impose reminders of awareness, of mindfulness, presence to myself. Because I see so much life for myself to live.. and I know I am going to experience and do and become all of these things.. but that the process of getting there is literally only on God’s, on the universe’s time.

So I come back to reality and practice patience. because I know no amount of projecting into my future brings me there right now. and so I think my excitement, my vision, my dreams for all of this .. they are only able to manifest as this calm and grounded direction in the present. but mostly as a reminder of patience. exhale. cause I know I only have today. it resonates with this quote “rushing only gives you the illusion of moving faster” .. thats definitely it. the time that needs to pass in between where I am now and where I will be is going to move at the same pace. so I call for patience.. grounding in the present.. and a reminder that I can only live in today.

And I know people always say things like “well you’re only that young once!” yk.. or “enjoy it while it lasts” or something like that.. but .. and I know this sounds so ungrateful as I type it out .. but sometimes I lowkey just don’t want that. So much of me yearns for jumping ahead to being the matured, fully competent, financially independent, mastered, and completely and totally free version of me.. in all areas. In fitness & bodybuilding. In intelligence. In social experience and awareness. Just in life. But I’m not there now. I’m here now. But yea. Thats the duality. That’s what I feel I’m in between. But anyways. patience. patience. patience. patienceeee. it’s a virtue, it’s faith in practice. so let me slow. let me trust. and let me return to the present. cause thats what I have right now.